The Danger of Analysing

We are the generation who are taught time and time again to 'find the deeper meaning'. I can't think of one English lesson I have had in the past few years where we haven't been made to analyse a text until we find the message the author was hinting at when he described a woman in a red dress.

I do get it. Often there are many hidden meanings which people just don't see.

But sometimes, just sometimes we are looking for a message that isn't there. Sometimes we, as humans, just need to accept that nothing more is meant than what is written on the page.

The issue of doing this is we are being taught to keep analysing the different meanings of all these things. Analyse, analyse, analyse. Keep looking until you find another reason.

Not all of us are able to leave that analysing skill in the classroom. Too often does the same thing happen in our daily lives. We are being taught to analyse novels and poems in so much depth so why stop there? Why not use this skill in our daily lives and look so deeply into what someone says that it tears us apart trying to figure out the meaning.

When your friend mentions one habit of yours that annoys them why not take it to mean they are debating their friendship with you and wondering how much more annoyance they can take before they want out.

Most of the time it's totally irrational which makes explaining it to others very difficult. How does someone explain that a simple 'morning' instead of 'good morning' affected their whole day and made them think they were in the wrong for something?

Whether we realise it or not, it is ruining our lives. One word at a time our minds are being destroyed by everything that isn't being said.

We are nervous. Worried that we aren't seeing the true meaning of something, worried that we should be looking further into what our friends say to us to find those words that they can't say.

We don't get a reply for a few hours and assume we are a bother, a pain, annoying. Isn't it more likely that the person is eating, doing work, out? It's jumping to conclusions that don't exist. Believing in the unrealistic situations which we picture in our imaginative minds.

We are human. We aren't well planned novels. No one has created us with a further meaning that what is on the surface. Yes, we are complicated but we are not a combination of messages and hidden meanings.

To listen to the wise words of Ted Mosby 'maybe... maybe a locket's just a locket, and... a chair's just a chair. Maybe we don't have to give meaning to every little thing.'

Perhaps sometimes it is logical to really think about things, to find that other meaning that isn't obvious but other times it just ruins things. You find yourself making up stuff which never happened, thinking people mean things that they have never even said.

Chances are if you are forever finding these other messages which aren't obvious it's just your mind analysing a situation to exhaustion. It doesn't make you a bad person and it doesn't make you broken or damaged.

It simply means that life might be a bit harder for you but that's ok, hopefully it will all be useful one day.

--- Aimee ---

Finding Friendship

Friends. I never did have any issues with friends. I didn't have a large group or any more than 10 close friends but I didn't see any issue with that. I was always content with the friends I did have. Maybe a small part of me wished I was more popular or more well liked but it didn't largely affect me.

In the first few weeks of sixth form I became good friends with Grace. We had tutor and 4 lessons a week together, it made sense to be friends. We spoke in tutor and in lessons but I had other people who I hung out with (not that that lasted long).

She was able to help me and be there when others wouldn't. It gave me comfort to know I had someone there no matter what. We started hanging out more and soon became close friends.

My counsellor mentioned week after week that maybe things would be better if I had a group of friends, not just a number of friends from different groups.

I didn't understand what she meant.

I didn't think that being part of a group was the answer to all my problems. Sure, I didn't want to be alone but being alone wasn't the root of my problems.

She asked if there was any group I could join but I gave good reasons for why attempting to be part of each would be a bad idea. There was always one or two people who I knew I wouldn't get on with in each group and I didn't want to get involved in what, in many cases, was many years worth of friendship.

I didn't want to be that one person in a group who doesn't quite fit. I feared more judgment for even attempting to do so.

I wouldn't say I was immensely happy with having a single friend to be with all the time. It was enough for me but I felt a severe amount of judgement from my peers.

Lets not pretend like we don't judge anyone who is on their own or with the same person for large amounts of their time as an outcast and someone to stay clear of. There is obviously a reason they are alone so why would anyone want to get involved and find out more? Just stay safe and let things be how they have been. No disruptions. No change in opinion.

One of Grace's friends, Jack, often sat with us in tutor although I will admit now we barely spoke. I was scared of talking to him and he was scared of talking to me. I didn't fancy embarrassing myself in front of someone I barely knew so I simply spoke to Grace and sat awkwardly when she and Jack spoke.

The main reason me and Grace started talking was we were two of four girls in our Computing class. Neither of us really knew each other but we got on well. After we were getting homework in the subject which we struggled to complete, we decided to find help.

How convenient that Jack did computing too.

A Facebook group was soon formed and we often got help with our work along with having various odd conversations regarding a variety of people.

Following our other friend from our class dropping the subject, the group consisted of myself, Grace and Jack.

At school Grace and I sometimes hung around with Jack and his friend Mark. We all got on well and Mark soon got added to our group.

On the last day of term at Christmas we went to town where Grace ditched me for a train which she missed (serves you right Grace) and I got left in McDonalds with three people I barely knew (the third being Jack and Mark's friend Jamie). Needless to say it was the most awkward McDonalds of my life.

Going back to school after the Christmas holidays saw the four of us being together more and more with a blossoming group dynamic. It made me happy (and still does) to have found an actual group of friends after so long being without one.

I now feel like I belong somewhere again. My counsellor was right, it did help. I didn't understand it at the time but now I do. There is something special about a friendship group and I'm not sure anyone can truly explain the effects it has.

People really don't appreciate it enough. It's not all that easy to find people who want to be friends with you or want to spend time with you. Please cherish the friends you have, you may need them more than you realise.

Finding people who are so easy to get on with is a hard task and not always something you set out to do. Sometimes things just work out in a way you never thought they would and you can no longer remember the sad and lonely times.

Sometimes all you need is a place to belong and to feel safe. Somewhere where you are comfortable and happy.

I am truly thankful to have such wonderful friends like these three.

So, Jack, Grace and Mark, thank you. Thank you very much. You are all truly wonderful people and I hope you know what you mean to me. I wish you all the best and the upmost happiness, you really and truly deserve it. Thank you for all the happiness you have brought me and the brilliant memories. I love you all very, very much.

Being part of a group is very underrated, especially by those who have never been without one. Its hard when you don't have anywhere to belong to. It's likely that the same situation will occur come September when Jack and Mark leave for university but that's still 5 months away. For now I will just cherish the friendship I have with these three and be thankful for every moment.

--- Aimee ---