Whirlwind of Emotions

I'd like to think that I'm quite a creative and imaginative person but, when it comes to blogging topics, I often get stuck. Whether it's the fact that I begin writing about a topic but later realise I don't like the post or just generally can't think of a new topic. Although this is usually the case, there are also times where I think of multiple topics at once which, in some ways is worse as I like to keep a pattern to the timing of uploading new posts.

This is partly the reason for another upload already, with me going away for a few days being the other part.

The topic that I have decided to write about so soon after my previous post is emotions and, in particular, kindness. I guess it all happened on campaign day which I did as part of NCS and was also the final day of my NCS experience. As far as campaigning is concerned, our group was in the local town centre spreading awareness for our issue which we were working to solve. Without going into unnecessary details, part of our campaign involved costumes, one of which I volunteered to wear. The outfit itself was a Tudor-style ball gown and personally I wasn't the biggest fan.

Nevertheless I wore it and, to my suprise, got many compliments about it. Several strangers made an effort to come over and made nice comments which really warmed my heart. I absolutely adore kind things being done for me, no matter how big or small. It's so lovely to know that people choose to take time out of their day to make you feel better, even when they don't know you at all.

There were two occasions during the campaigning which really touched me. The first being a boy, who was probably no more than 5 or 6, come over and kiss my hand. I'm sorry but no matter how heartless you are, there's no way that little kids being cute doesn't warm your heart. It was honestly the cutest thing that anyone has ever done for me. I think the best thing about it is that it was such a small gesture and yet it made me so happy. To be quite honest, I did well up after this because I'm really not used to people being so adorable, especially to me personally.

The next occurrence of overwhelming emotions happened no less than 30 minutes later. As I was stood in the high street trying to catch people's attention to speak to, three small children walked past; two boys and a girl. It's more than common knowledge that small children don't really know how to whisper, although sometimes I guess it's because they don't care about people hearing. Anyway, as the three children walked past, the little girl looked at me and I smiled back. Then, after taking a second glance at me, she yelled 'Look! A princess!'

I promise you, until you are randomly complimented by a small child, you may never understand the heart warming effect it has. I think the reason it is so great is that children just say what is on their mind. Yes adults may compliment you to but they are engineered in way to think before they say. I'm not saying their opinion doesn't matter or count but you can never truly be sure if they mean it. On the other hand, children don't have a concept of consequences, only saying what they really think. You know what when a child compliments you they really believe the compliment and that tugs on the heart strings like nothing else.

Personally, I feel that compliments are both underused and overused at the same time. Overusing compliments leads to them being, in a way, worthless. This doesn't go for all compliments but the whole 'so pretty', 'beautiful' and 'gorgeous' get used so much that it's almost as if people are big forced or feel like they have to say it.

As cringey as it may be, I prefer to compliment people in a much more unique and, I guess, more complimentary way. More in depth compliments like 'people should forever be grateful to have you in their lives' and 'I'm honoured to have you as a friend'. Compliments that aren't used everyday and that make the person truly believe they are angelic and magical.

I felt as though just thanking each person in my NCS group was not enough. Thanking them could not make up for the shear amounts they have all helped me or show them just how grateful I was. At around 8pm on the evening before campaign day, I decided just what I would do to show try gratitude. I reliased that I could write. I could make them feel good about themselves. That's exactly what I did.

I spent 3 hours writing that evening. I wrote a letter to each member of my group, telling them how amazing they were. I told them how thankful I was for everything and gave them as many positive comments as I could. My only reasoning behind it was to make them feel better about themselves in a way that I knew how.

The outcome was more spectacular than I could have ever hoped for. Everyone was incredibly grateful and many made very kind comments. My favourite was from a absolultey lovely member of my group. While crying at my words, he exclaimed that it was the most beautiful thing anyone had ever said to him. This act alone made me ball my eyes out. Just the fact that my actions had influenced someone in such a way made me so immensely happy.

I later had another comment about how my writing would take me far in life. Honestly that made me so happy because it's what I want to pursue. It gave me so much hope that people believe in me. I have never had that kind of support before and it's incredible to have found now. And I urge you, do what you want to do. Be the most incredible person you can be because people will notice and they will help you. Anyone who doesn't believe in you doesn't deserve to be there to see you succeed.

--- Aimee ---

Predictability

Books are glorious things. Hundreds of pieces of paper put together to form a story so beautiful it gives you the chance to escape reality for a brief while. So underrated in today's society yet so important for a release of imagination and feelings. The wonderous book I have been overly engaged with since I began it a few weeks ago is The Lovely Bones.

I'm guessing from the mention of a book, a review is expected at this point. But for a few reasons this will not be the case. If I'm honest, the main reason is I haven't actually reached the end of the book yet so I feel it would be wrong of me to give an opinion on the overall book. Another reason I have is that I did a book review not that long ago so any new topics that spring to mind I feel will be more exciting that repeating the same topic again.

So the real reason for writing this blog post then. I guess it begins with me explaining that, if you don't already know, The Lovely Bones is not only a fantastic book but also a brilliant film. I first watched a small part when I was about 10 and ever since I have wanted to watch the whole film. Soon after purchasing the book, I found the DVD in a charity shop (the best shops in my opinion) so figured I may aswell buy it. I honestly thought I would do things correctly and read the book first which I did plan to do until my friend came round one day and insisted we watch it. I was apprehensive at first because I didn't want to ruin the book but I have found that my actions have done no such thing.

As with many other times in my life, I have found that, personally, things don't get ruined purely because you know the ending. There are so many films out there which are so well known that everyone just knows how it ends. Everyone knows that Romeo and Juliet both end up dead. Everyone knows that Jack dies in the icy sea. Everyone knows that Mufasa dies and Simba has to live on without his father. People are aware of these facts usually before they watch the films. It doesn't stop them watching it, it doesn't ruin the film, it doesn't put them off.

Honestly, everytime I watch Titanic, I pray Jack will make it, that he won't die and never live a happy life with Rose. Deep down inside I know he will die but there is a tiny bit of hope which I cling to. That's all you need really. Just the smallest bit of hope. Something to grab hold of when things are uncertain. One tiny detail to keep things bearable.

I really don't believe that things can be ruined by knowing how they will end. Without getting too deep, life always ends with death, there's no escaping that. But people don't give up be just because one day they will die. In my opinion, it's not about knowing how something will end but more being curious or unsure about the other aspects. The how, the when, the why. The element of mystery that everyday events hold within them.

I think, as a species we thrive for uncertainty. Spontaneous trips and adventures where we learn, discover and grow. People lust after the chance of opportunities with no set outcomes and I hoenstly think that is a great way to live. By all means venture into the unexpected and unexplored. Live without knowing what the outcome will be. Be reckless. But don't discourage things because you know the outcome.

It's not always about how it ends, but how the journey to the end affects you. Don't refrain from reading books you've already read. Don't stop yourself from taking part in opportunities. As dark as it may seem, everything ends. Nothing will ever last for eternity because every forever has its ending. We aren't invincible as a species but it doesn't mean we can't live life to the fullest while we have the chance.

There will come a time in your life where there are no more chances to take so you can only reflect on the chances of the past. It's a common thing to say that you want to live a life where you don't regret not taking chances but it really is true.

So, on a final note, take every chance you are given. Whether you know the outcome or not, don't let it stop you doing something. To be honest, even if you know the ending, the journey can still be unpredictable and unexpected. To quote one of my heroes; sometimes, even if you know how something's going to end, that doesn't mean you can't enjoy the ride.

--- Aimee ---

Truck Festival

I will begin this post by apologising for leaving a week between posting. I did try to write a little something on Friday but I had no ideas if I'm quite honest. I guess from that you can figure I've had a rather busy week.

I won't bore on details but, in brief, I completed the second week of NCS, performed in a drama piece, had many emotional conversations and attended a festival. Although it has been busy, it wasn't until the festival that I felt I had anything to write about. My week was extremely interesting due to being so emotional, challenging and heartwarming but I don't particularly want to bore anyone with explaining my feelings and just my life in general.

All I will say on my week is that it has been tough and I have felt quite down but I am so grateful to have such incredible friends to help me out. I am aware I usually blog without mentioning names but this week I feel as though it would be wrong not to mention them. So, if you guys are reading this, Ruby, Ciara, Sam and Lewis, thank you so, so, so much for this week, I'm not sure I could have dealt with everything without you all. I may have only known you all for a short while but you are all truly amazing, as are everyone I have met at NCS, and I could never thank you enough for how much you have helped me.

Anyway, back on topic because I can imagine that me spilling my thoughts on dealing with shitty days isn't all that interesting. So, over the previous weekend, I attend a festival. I guess it was my first proper festival and, oh my god, was it amazing. The festival in discussion was Truck Festival in Oxfordshire.

If you are unfamiliar to Truck Festival, it's basically a music festival mainly consisting of up and coming bands. In my personal opinion, the highlight would have to be seeing Slaves. Incredible isn't a good enough to word to describe it if I'm honest. Prior to their performance, I knew a few of their songs so I already knew I would like them. However, the atmosphere was brilliant and something I never could have even imagine.

Personally I would describe Slaves as a alternative rock/punk band which kind of suggests what the atmosphere and music was like. Although I am really in to rock music, I haven't really been to a rock concert before (probably due to all the bands I like being either dead, split up or no longer touring). So for my first real rock concert, it was even more amazing than it would of been have it been my fifth, sixth or seventh rock concert.

I assume people know of the kind of environment rock concerts are, lots of dancing, moshing and very loud singing. I should probably explain that I attended the festival with my aunt, uncle and two of their friends meaning I was kind of being looked after (if slightly drunk people are able to look after others that is). Cleverly, my aunt decided we would stay near the side as to not get too pushed around by everyone else.

Probably quite obviously, being a fairly small person doesn't mix well with concerts in general and mixes even less well with moshing. Despite needing a hell of a lot of energy to be constantly jumping and singing simultaneously, there's also an endless worry of literally being crushed by grown men who are double your size. Adding to this worry, being against a wall means that it is ridiculously easy to get squashed between said people and the wall itself.

The music itself takes away a fair bit of this worry as it is so extremely brilliant, making people feel slightly more at ease I guess. Moshing itself is absolultey fantastic and so fun to do even with all the worry. Luckily as I was with 'responsible' adults, I wasn't too nervous about any of it as I knew I would be safe. Saying that, when people start setting off flares in a confined area where almost everyone is drinking alcohol, it gets quite unsettling.

Aside from seeing the brilliant wonder which are Slaves, another highlight would have to be the disco we attended late last night. It's times when music released 25 years before I was even born is played and I can sing the whole thing off by heart that I wonder how odd my music taste actually appears to others around me. The music they were playing was excellent and, what I would call disco music.

Sometimes I think that it's not always the music being played or who is performing but the atmosphere and the crowd themselves. Personally, I just like to be able to sing and dance to the music and just enjoy the moment really.

The festival in all has made me so extremely excited for more concerts and festivals to come, especially the concert I am attending in November. But that's a story for another time.

--- Aimee ---

New Friends

I am currently able to speak as a person who has taken part in week one of NCS and I must say how brilliant it is. I went into it knowing few people who would also be there which worried me as I don't find making new friends a very easy task to carry out. I know how little confidence I have when it comes to new people so, in some ways, it was my worst nightmare just being put with people I didn't know.

To be quite honest, having chosen drama for my skill, I was panicking in more than one way. My first worry was the the people would be obnoxious, confident and egoistic. With my second being that I dread the idea of performing in front of people. In my very stereotypical mind, I was expecting very confident, loud and self-concerned people. I was conscientious of how I would be able to deal these people for the coach journey there, let alone a whole week with them.

But luckily, to my complete suprise, they were all very down to earth. No one stood out to be the main leader or the most confident. Everyone was welcoming and most were also in the same 'friendless' situation which made it so much easier to make friends. I felt so comfortable with them all so quickly which, in my opinion, is one of the best feelings in the world.

I will admit that it wasn't until the first evening that I made an effort to get to know everyone which I was believe was due to my usual worry that people find me annoying or just dislike me in general. But I soon learnt that they are the kind of people where conversation flows as if you've known each other for years.

NCS as a whole has been incredible so far. I'm so grateful that I have the opportunity to spend even more time with such remarkable people. The first week has been incredibly challenging for me, both physically and mentally. Physically, I have encountered several bruises, cuts and sprains which made the activities even more challenging to participate in. It is because of this that I am even more thankful for my group as they were honestly the most encouraging people I could have had to help me out.

There is no way imaginable that I could thank everyone in the group enough for making me feel so extremely welcome and just for generally being so nice. Never in my life have I met a group of people who I could trust so easily and be able to talk to so freely. I am actually quite surprised how well they have all dealt with me as I am more than aware how annoying I can get.

Although I am fearing the drama side of the upcoming week, I feel so much more confident about it knowing how relaxed I feel in the group. I have honestly had the best time so far and I cannot wait to see everyone again. Personally, I just adore being surrounded by people I get on with and feel comfortable with. I know that they will all encourage me throughout the next week and help me to reach my goals as they have already done.

I find it so peculiar how people you have just met can mean more to you than people you have known a lifetime. It really goes to show that it's not the length of time you have known someone but more the type of person they are and just how well you connect. I feel as though I have known them all for such a long time already but it's a wonderful feeling that we still have loads to talk about as I still barely know them.

I have managed to conquer so many fears already and I will hopefully be able to conquer even more next week. NCS has been an incredible opportunity and I'm still only a third done. The activities have been fantastic and really have pushed me, helping me realise what I can do if I put my mind to it. I would again talk about the amazing people I have met but I'm going to assume the message has got across by now.

On that note I will end things by saying that I am so excited for the next week purely because I will get to see everyone again and be in the presence of incredible people. And to those people who, like me, worry about people liking them, take a chance, be a person wo wouldn't expect yourself to be because the outcome could be great. Act confident even if you don't feel it and you will soon find new friends. Do things out of your comfort zone, risk things and you will be thankful. Thankful for a change, thankful for the life you could have, thankful for the new people in your life.

--- Aimee ---

Prom

Last week I attended my final day as a year 11 at my school. The day consisted of a leavers assembly, shirt signing and also a prom later on. To be quite honest, I wasn't too sure what to expect from the day nor did I know how I would feel at the thought of no longer being in year 11. For me, it didn't concern me much to be leaving as I know I will be returning there again in September but at the same time, there are others who I know will not.

Prom itself was pretty incredible despite my previous worries that I would not enjoy it. The occasion was spectacular and definitely lived up to the high expectations everyone had of it. I thoroughly enjoyed myself although it saddened me that it might be the last time I see some people. Personally, there are very few people leaving who I will miss which I am relieved about. However, the people who are leaving I will miss dearly.

Anyone who I will miss I was never especially close to but I will still miss them all the same. For me, it's not about people who I can talk to about anything or spend all my time with but more about the people who have impacted my life in a positive way. I won't bother to name names but there is one person who I really will miss who always managed to put a smile on my face and I am devastated that they are not going to continue to make me smile throughout the next two years.

I feel like I am a complicated person when it comes to my friends. There is no particular group which I completly associate myself with which made prom more interesting as I was able to go and speak to whoever I wanted to without being tied down to an individual group. I found that it was the perfect opportunity to speak to some of my friends who I hadn't seen in a while and have a catch up about life in general.

Of course the main concern about prom was appearance. Without wanting to sound too soppy, everyone did look absolutely gorgeous. Everyone's dresses looked incredible and peoples hair and makeup also made them look additionally beautiful. The build up to prom was, without a doubt, completly worth it which made the event itself more special.

It was so lovely to see everyone really enjoying themselves at prom and feeling comfortable with who they were with. I think it was one of the only times where I have seen members of different groups split off in order to talk to their other friends without it being frowned upon.

The ending of prom lead me to be attending an after prom party which was also fantastic. I managed to speak to a fair few people who I hadn't spoken before which was lovely. Thankfully, I also managed not to drink too much, meaning I was able to look after most of the other people who had drunk more than they should have. To be honest, still being sober at a time where almost eveyebody else is drunk is extremely underrated. People often say that you don't have as much fun but actually it feels so much better to be able to look after other people who really appreciate your help.

It wasn't like I didn't drink, I did have a number of drinks but, due to drinking them all fairly early on, I managed to sober up for the latter part. Thankfully, I am not too bad after drinking and the only thing I gain is a more confidence which is what I lack most of the time anyway so really it benefits me. It probably thanks to alcohol that I've managed to speak to so many new people at the past few parties I've been to.

Looking back on both prom and the after party, I am thrilled to see how much I have changed over the past few weeks. Had prom been any earlier, I honestly don't think I would have been as relaxed and sociable as I was. I am so eternally thankful to everyone who has helped me become this person that I am now and to those who made me feel so comfortable at prom.

I have learnt that I honestly do have the best friends. I may not always show it but deep down I know that they are incredible and I know just how grateful I should be for them. I am so upset that some of the most amazing people are leaving me next year but at the same time, I hope they have the best next couple of years because, my god, do they deserve it. So thank you to everyone who is leaving who has helped me, made me smile or who I have had the privilege of calling my friend, go make some brilliant friends and have a truly wonderful future. I will forever cherish having you in my life and you have impacted me in such a way that I could never make it up to you even if I tried.

--- Aimee ---

Body Positivity

Summer is now well and truly here. In the past week, the temperature has reached highs of 36°, making it far too hot to go out in jeans or trousers in my opinion. So yes people are going to be wearing dresses, skirts and shorts. Having finished school means I am able to wear whatever whenever and I don't have to worry about wearing a uniform which I will boil in which I am so thankful for.

Personally, I have practically lived in dresses and shorts for the past few weeks due to the temperatures being as they have been. I am not overly confident with having my body on show when it comes to wearing shorts and such but at high temperatures it is the most comfortable. I am currently at the point where I am not too concerned about what people think of my body which has taken me a fair amount of time to get to.

Far too many people are concerned with what others wear. People are forever making comments about a body shape or size not suiting certain clothing. But to be honest does it matter? As long as the persons themselves are either confident or comfortable, what they wear doesn't matter. People don't need others to criticise how they look because, more often than not, they already know.

I really wish people would be nice. People need to understand that people do come in a wide range of shapes and sizes. Just because someone doesn't have the ideal body you would like people to have, it doesn't give anyone the right to be horrible about this. People who criticise others barely realise the impact words can have and should learn that some things are better left unsaid.

Of course I don't mean that people shouldn't comment on others appearance. If they have own opinion that's okay but sometimes it is better not to share. But positive comments to someone mean everything. I absolultey adore complimenting other people. Be it on their makeup, hair, clothing or just overall look. I know how much it means to be complimented. Some people need to hear nice things about themselves more than they want people to know.

Obviously people have their own opinion on their body, but it is usually quite negative so positive comments mean the world to them. If you think someone looks especially nice, tell them. If you like their hairstyle, tell them. If you think someone is pretty, tell them. It takes a few seconds to be nice but the impact could have a massive effect on that person.

Body positivity is so extremely important. Especially with summer already here, people need to be confident in themselves. They need to be able to wear what they want and no have to worry about comments being made. This summer I have worn crop tops for the first time without caring too much about what people say which has been such a big step for me. I don't think it should really concern them because it is not their body. It's your body so wear whatever the hell you want and have confidence about doing so.

Without wanting to sound arrogant, I do get compliments given to me often but the negative comments are always there too. Negative comments have so much more impact. They stay with you a lot longer than the positive ones too. And no matter how many positive comments there are, the negative ones are always there are, at the back of your mind. It leaves you always wondering if these comments are actually what people think. If you shouldn't be wearing them sort of clothes. If you do actually need to diet. If you're makeup doesn't actually make you look beautiful.

If you want to be happier and be more confident are there are people stopping that, get rid of them. You can always find new friends but you will only ever have one body, so treat it well and learn to love it. I understand the difficulties involved in loving yourself but sooner or later you will realise just how fantastic and beautiful you are. And if you see people being body positive, don't mock them, don't hate them for it, it has probably taken alot for them to feel that way. Instead, compliment them, tell them how beautiful they are, tell them that their body is gorgeous just the way it is

Compliment people to the best of your abilities, it could be the first step in learning to love themselves. Do whatever you can to make others feel good about themselves. But whatever you do, don't make horrible comments, even if only as a joke. The likelihood of them forgetting what you said are very slim, they will probably believe that is is how people really see them and no one in the world deserves that kind of self loathing.

--- Aimee ---