As the hype of Valentines Day passes the minds of fellow humans for another year I can't help but sigh a breath of relief.
I despise the day. Maybe its because I'm a morbid person and think the worst of every situation. Maybe its because, despite my best efforts, I find more comfort in sadness than in happiness. Or, a more popular belief would see it being as I feel isolated, being single once again on this loved-up day.
There's something hidden away. Hidden beneath the declarations of love, behind the heartfelt messages. There is no public display about the heartache or heartbreak tied in with love. Its ok, the odd 'he's drives me crazy sometimes but I love him no matter what' messages give a slight insight into the unhappiness but it's not enough. It doesn't compete with the fact that love is sugar coated because 'that's how it should be'. Happy, problem free, everlasting.
I feel like every single Facebook and Instagram post about a loved one is just a painted picture of false happiness and hidden upset. No showing of the arguments or betrayals. Of course there is no reason really why I would want to see arguments posted everywhere, annoying the shit out of me day in, day out. I think what I really want is some comfort that not everything is perfect but that doesn't mean it will work out. Just a few messages telling me things don't have to be perfect to be okay, that happiness doesn't not direct link with perfection.
I can't be dealing with this picture perfect idea of love, forcing me to believe anything beside the perfect moments is a rarity. I don't want to feel like there is one specific way you should treat the one you love. There are numerous to show it, it's not all chocolates and roses. There are so many people I love in my life and who are important to me, people who keep me happy. Of course on Valentines Day this doesn't matter because obviously my single status reflects my hopeless and lonely life.
No it's not the single status that makes me sad, it's all the other problems in the world. You must be kidding yourself if you really think that my number one concern in life is finding a partner. I mean I know currently that I am a weak, helpless and incomplete woman who needs a man to swoop in and fix all my life problems...oh wait is that not the case? I guess I must be too influenced by almost every film I've ever seen.
It's not the situation I or anyone else is in that causes pain but the changes that took place in order to reach that situation. All the loss. All the pain. All the tragic memories.
The films don't do the pain and sadness of it all justice really. Take Love, Rosie for example. The film is an artwork. It truly is brilliant. The acting and storyline go so well together but there is something missing. I don't know whether its this film in particular or just maybe its an impossibility to recreate in films but something is missing. In too many love films there is a small sense of heartbreak but that's all it is, a small sense. Something brushed off and overlooked. A 30 second clip of a teary girl is supposed to portray years of grief and pain, really? Sorry, I'm not going to believe your version of heartbreak.
The films don't depict reality. Some try harder than others but ultimately they all fail. I guess there is a limit to the amount of pain you can portray but to me it all still seems false. Love isn't all happiness and roses and cute dates. All that stuff is what we have been taught to associate with love through books, films and music since a young age. Too many false portrayals of a 'good' and 'ideal' relationship have left too many of us with the wrong idea about love.
Because heartbreak isn't a couple of tears here and there with soppy messages of how much you miss someone; its floods of tears. Breakdowns over hearing the mention of their name. Hours of deciding what it was that went wrong, what you did to screw things up yet again. Days of wondering why you weren't enough for them. So much time spent wondering if things will ever get better or whether you are now stuck in a bottomless pit of emotions that you will never escape from.
Love's all right while it lasts but we all fall out of love, we all move on whether we like it or not. Nothing is a constant; it never has been and it never will be. Maybe someone will one day change my mind on Valentines Day and I'll be one of those soppy little shits that I currently despise, indulging in the day.
--- Aimee ---
Wednesday 24 February 2016
Sunday 14 February 2016
A Speeding Train Towards The Future
When I was younger I don't know what I expected really. I think I must have expected that things would magically be different one day. I would suddenly grow up. No pain. No long and thought out journey getting me through my school years. Just the flicking of one magic switch and a difference will have been made.
But I'm not 8 anymore, I don't see things the same way. I know now that with change comes a great deal of pain and heartache.
These past few years have provided me with nothing but change. Getting older, having to actually grow up, to slowly become an adult. And, my god, I am far from ready for this.
Looking back, things were slowly changing. Day by day, month by month, year by year. I didn't see it at the time. I wasted my youth waiting to be 16, waiting to leave school, waiting to grow up and now I'm here. I am one year off from leaving my friends to disappear off to university. I am five or so years off moving out of the house I have lived in for the entirety of my life. I am unwillingly crawling towards the rest of my life and I just wish it would all slow down.
In the years I spent wishing for an end to be childhood and a beginning to my adulthood I seemed to have forgotten to cherish moments. Far too often now I look back on times where I was a happy, carefree child. Those year seven tutor times when I would be speaking to people I was sure I would be close to way past school. The distinct memories from school trips gone by. The holidays where I made 'life-long' friends.
It's a painful journey, growing up but, its only painful when you notice the changes occurring only too quickly.
I find myself each day getting an 'its too late' feeling. All those exams I could have revised harder for. All those people who left my school last summer never to return. The countless number of people in the year above me who I fear getting close to because there are only 7 months until they go off to university and leave me behind.
Too many aspects of my life are now simply becoming old memories. I fear the day when the daily occurrences that I dismiss as being boring will become embedded in my memory of what was. Who knows what will still be in my life and what won't. What I class as the most important thing in my life right now may not be relevant next year, let alone in 5, 10, 15 years from now.
Acceptance is the hardest part of the journey of life. Accepting that memories, people, moments are gone. Some never to return. Accepting that you just need to move on. Accepting that whatever happens to you is insignificant anyway, you wont stop the world from turning and the sun from rising.
Have I wasted my life? Why have I only now learnt to treasure moments as they are happening? There are so many people who I never even made the effort to get to know and in 19 months they will have exited my life. People I once sat next to everyday, those I smiled at in the corridor. My only communication will be exchanging likes on Instagram posts with new found friends from university.
I don't want to aimlessly be drifting in and out of peoples lives. I don't want to be nothing more than a mere friend they once spoke to or shared memories with. But I know that I can't force myself to keep people around when they are in need of leaving in order to grow.
I just wish it would all slow down for a short while. It seems like every moment is racing way from me at top speed and I can't do anything about it. The only thing within my power is to remember moments as the happy days they were when I had the privilege to enjoy them.
--- Aimee ---
But I'm not 8 anymore, I don't see things the same way. I know now that with change comes a great deal of pain and heartache.
These past few years have provided me with nothing but change. Getting older, having to actually grow up, to slowly become an adult. And, my god, I am far from ready for this.
Looking back, things were slowly changing. Day by day, month by month, year by year. I didn't see it at the time. I wasted my youth waiting to be 16, waiting to leave school, waiting to grow up and now I'm here. I am one year off from leaving my friends to disappear off to university. I am five or so years off moving out of the house I have lived in for the entirety of my life. I am unwillingly crawling towards the rest of my life and I just wish it would all slow down.
In the years I spent wishing for an end to be childhood and a beginning to my adulthood I seemed to have forgotten to cherish moments. Far too often now I look back on times where I was a happy, carefree child. Those year seven tutor times when I would be speaking to people I was sure I would be close to way past school. The distinct memories from school trips gone by. The holidays where I made 'life-long' friends.
It's a painful journey, growing up but, its only painful when you notice the changes occurring only too quickly.
I find myself each day getting an 'its too late' feeling. All those exams I could have revised harder for. All those people who left my school last summer never to return. The countless number of people in the year above me who I fear getting close to because there are only 7 months until they go off to university and leave me behind.
Too many aspects of my life are now simply becoming old memories. I fear the day when the daily occurrences that I dismiss as being boring will become embedded in my memory of what was. Who knows what will still be in my life and what won't. What I class as the most important thing in my life right now may not be relevant next year, let alone in 5, 10, 15 years from now.
Acceptance is the hardest part of the journey of life. Accepting that memories, people, moments are gone. Some never to return. Accepting that you just need to move on. Accepting that whatever happens to you is insignificant anyway, you wont stop the world from turning and the sun from rising.
Have I wasted my life? Why have I only now learnt to treasure moments as they are happening? There are so many people who I never even made the effort to get to know and in 19 months they will have exited my life. People I once sat next to everyday, those I smiled at in the corridor. My only communication will be exchanging likes on Instagram posts with new found friends from university.
I don't want to aimlessly be drifting in and out of peoples lives. I don't want to be nothing more than a mere friend they once spoke to or shared memories with. But I know that I can't force myself to keep people around when they are in need of leaving in order to grow.
I just wish it would all slow down for a short while. It seems like every moment is racing way from me at top speed and I can't do anything about it. The only thing within my power is to remember moments as the happy days they were when I had the privilege to enjoy them.
--- Aimee ---
Wednesday 3 February 2016
XS Brain Capacity
It's hard in todays society to do what the vast majority of people call 'good'. It seems whatever you wish to say or do will upset someone. Every status or video which shows someone attempting to say or do a good deed has a fair few lengthy messages about why this opinion is wrong or hurtful.
Time and time again on Facebook I see people who mean good but they cannot seem to understand how what they said could be offensive in any way. of course me saying this could be leading onto a vast number of points; the ignorance of people, shitty Facebook arguments, the entertainment of it all but I'd much prefer to take a different look.
Lost at what the hell this blog post will be about? I'll enlighten you. Today's blog post is on weight and how people attempt to approach the subject 'sensitively.'
For some bizarre reason, 99% of the posts encouraging self love and body confidence do so in one way, degrading slim and skinny bodies. It's as if people don't think skinny people or underweight people go on Facebook, they clearly wont see these posts which are literally plastered everywhere. Don't worry, you won't upset those skinny people because they don't have feelings or get hurt by what you say. No, it's okay because their brains don't work the same anyway.
You see what many people don't know is that skinny people don't have feelings, nothing can upset them, they are invincible (I mean come on people, lets be real here, of course your comments hurt.)
The system is fucked, why are people forever getting away with rude comments made towards skinny people when doing the same with fat people causes uproar? There are cases when people speak out against skinny shaming but sadly most of the time very little is said.
When dishing up someone's food YOU SHOULD NOT give them more and say it's to 'get some meat on them bones'. Would you ever even dream of limiting someone's food and telling them you are doing so to help them cut down/lose weight? Didn't think you would. It's no different really.
Unless you are with someone 24/7 you have no idea how much they eat. Stop calling people out on 'not eating enough' how the fuck would you know what enough is in comparison to the amount of exercise they do, their height, how much they should be eating?
Another brilliant remark I have heard far too often is 'no one wants to cuddle a stick' ah yes, that old chestnut. Well maybe no one would want to cuddle you anyway because you're a fucking prick who clearly has no respect for skinner than 'normal' people. Also, I'm sure some people aren't so shallow so you're 'no one' is quite incorrect. More importantly than these two points, women (as is usually who are effected most by this issue) are not objects for which you just cuddle and kiss and use. Maybe a 'stick' has a great personality, not that any fucking prick would bother to find out because someone douches only want a body for their own use.
Wherever I am when I hear a disturbing remark being made against skinny people I squirm in my seat (although only if I'm sat down obviously else I just cringe.) It's insane how comments can just go under the radar because they aren't 'fat shaming'. I cannot remember if I have blogged or mentioned before about the article I read on 'All About That Bass'. If I have then sorry for mentioning it again but if I haven't, a basic overview is it argued that it doesn't skinny shame because there is not such thing as skinny shaming. If you have that opinion you have to really closely look at your life.
Yes aspects of life such as mannequins and models display a skinner body shape but, just because the mass of society offers this to be the 'ideal' doesn't mean you can call people out on it. In 2016 do people still not understand that things such as a healthy lifestyle and a fast metabolism can lead to someone being 'skinny'. Obviously, you cant ignore that there are people who starve themselves to be skinny but, in many cases, this is only the majority so please stop assuming everyone is doing the same.
*If you know me or have seen pictures of me you will obviously know I'm not exactly talking from experience when speaking of comments or the issue in general. The examples I am referring to are simply things which I have overheard and disagreed with.*
There are so many reasons why people may be of a slimmer body shape to others and quite frankly, most of the time its none of your fucking business. So please, if you are going to bring it up, be nice and be careful how you word what you say because yes, they've probably been told the same thing time and time again but no, that doesn't mean it gets easier to hear or to deal with.
Don't assume you know the whole story when you don't. Don't talk down to people who, in your eyes are 'too skinny'. They don't want to hear it, I don't want to hear it so just keep it to yourself. And, maybe if you try to focus really hard, like really, really, really hard on their personality or other aspects about them you will realise their body shape doesn't fucking matter anyway.
--- Aimee ---
Time and time again on Facebook I see people who mean good but they cannot seem to understand how what they said could be offensive in any way. of course me saying this could be leading onto a vast number of points; the ignorance of people, shitty Facebook arguments, the entertainment of it all but I'd much prefer to take a different look.
Lost at what the hell this blog post will be about? I'll enlighten you. Today's blog post is on weight and how people attempt to approach the subject 'sensitively.'
For some bizarre reason, 99% of the posts encouraging self love and body confidence do so in one way, degrading slim and skinny bodies. It's as if people don't think skinny people or underweight people go on Facebook, they clearly wont see these posts which are literally plastered everywhere. Don't worry, you won't upset those skinny people because they don't have feelings or get hurt by what you say. No, it's okay because their brains don't work the same anyway.
You see what many people don't know is that skinny people don't have feelings, nothing can upset them, they are invincible (I mean come on people, lets be real here, of course your comments hurt.)
The system is fucked, why are people forever getting away with rude comments made towards skinny people when doing the same with fat people causes uproar? There are cases when people speak out against skinny shaming but sadly most of the time very little is said.
When dishing up someone's food YOU SHOULD NOT give them more and say it's to 'get some meat on them bones'. Would you ever even dream of limiting someone's food and telling them you are doing so to help them cut down/lose weight? Didn't think you would. It's no different really.
Unless you are with someone 24/7 you have no idea how much they eat. Stop calling people out on 'not eating enough' how the fuck would you know what enough is in comparison to the amount of exercise they do, their height, how much they should be eating?
Another brilliant remark I have heard far too often is 'no one wants to cuddle a stick' ah yes, that old chestnut. Well maybe no one would want to cuddle you anyway because you're a fucking prick who clearly has no respect for skinner than 'normal' people. Also, I'm sure some people aren't so shallow so you're 'no one' is quite incorrect. More importantly than these two points, women (as is usually who are effected most by this issue) are not objects for which you just cuddle and kiss and use. Maybe a 'stick' has a great personality, not that any fucking prick would bother to find out because someone douches only want a body for their own use.
Wherever I am when I hear a disturbing remark being made against skinny people I squirm in my seat (although only if I'm sat down obviously else I just cringe.) It's insane how comments can just go under the radar because they aren't 'fat shaming'. I cannot remember if I have blogged or mentioned before about the article I read on 'All About That Bass'. If I have then sorry for mentioning it again but if I haven't, a basic overview is it argued that it doesn't skinny shame because there is not such thing as skinny shaming. If you have that opinion you have to really closely look at your life.
Yes aspects of life such as mannequins and models display a skinner body shape but, just because the mass of society offers this to be the 'ideal' doesn't mean you can call people out on it. In 2016 do people still not understand that things such as a healthy lifestyle and a fast metabolism can lead to someone being 'skinny'. Obviously, you cant ignore that there are people who starve themselves to be skinny but, in many cases, this is only the majority so please stop assuming everyone is doing the same.
*If you know me or have seen pictures of me you will obviously know I'm not exactly talking from experience when speaking of comments or the issue in general. The examples I am referring to are simply things which I have overheard and disagreed with.*
There are so many reasons why people may be of a slimmer body shape to others and quite frankly, most of the time its none of your fucking business. So please, if you are going to bring it up, be nice and be careful how you word what you say because yes, they've probably been told the same thing time and time again but no, that doesn't mean it gets easier to hear or to deal with.
Don't assume you know the whole story when you don't. Don't talk down to people who, in your eyes are 'too skinny'. They don't want to hear it, I don't want to hear it so just keep it to yourself. And, maybe if you try to focus really hard, like really, really, really hard on their personality or other aspects about them you will realise their body shape doesn't fucking matter anyway.
--- Aimee ---
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Truck Festival (Take 4)
Nearing the end of festival season in the UK, it is probably about time I got round to posting my annual Truck Festival piece. 2018 marked...
-
Oh Truck Festival here we are again and once again you were a dream. A wet, muddy and miserable dream perhaps but a dream nonetheless. ... -
In a world full of competing females on Instagram with there perfect bodies and their trendy clothes you won't find me in the nearest To...