2am

In relationships we learn a lot about other people. I don't mean boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. Of course those types of relationships are included, but I mean any relationship. A friendship. Family. Any connection you have to another individual.

Throughout our lives we become intertwined with various people. We meet people once and never see them again and we meet others who we just know are meant to be in our lives. It means a great deal to have a purpose in someone's life, a role. Anything from being a shoulder to cry on to being their whole world.

To me, any connection strong enough to make a friendship out of involves trust. Trust is a key quality to have in life. Trusting your own importance in someone's life. Trusting that a secret won't be shared. People think alot of having someone's trust. They see it as being a good person in the eyes of their friend.

Sometimes in life, trust is just simply trust and other times, it needs to be mixed with confidence. In our daily lives, lots of conversations are carried out. More often than not, the majority of these conversations are nothing more than small talk, things which you would talk to anyone in your life about, nothing major.

Those types of days pass us by going unnoticed, they're nothing special. Of course we need these days in our lives. We need ordinary days to make the extraordinary days that much more spectacular. But no, the days I live for are the ones with the 2am conversations. The times when you just open up about everything and anything.

A lot of people will tell you that. That the 2am conversations are the best types of conversation. Although they are high on my list of favourites, I'd have to disagree with them being the absolute best. No, for me, the best conversations are the 2am ones. The 2am conversations that don't happen at 2am. Confused? I'll try to explain.

I'm sure we've all had our fair share of 2am conversations. Whether it be at a party, at a sleepover or over facebook as you lay in bed. There is no doubt that they are incredible. It's a time where things get revealed. Not in some sly and manipulative but in a trusting way. If you've ever been part of a 2am gossip you'll know what I mean.

For some reason, at 2am people become more open. They share more, things they haven't told these specific people before or maybe even told anyone. 2am is the time for the truth to come out, to really let go of how you feel. These are the things that make 2am conversations so great.

But as I said before, they're not my absolute favourite. Because, what, in the entirety of this screwed up world, can be more satisfying and magical than letting out all the things you would say at 2am come out in the day. When you are fully you as a person. No amount of tiredness had kicked in. No alcohol has made you be that way. You are you. A significant being.

Breaking it down, what I mean is that my favourite conversations are the ones where you say how you really feel. What scares you. What your dreams are. Why you act a certain way. The deep things. Not everyday chit chat with a stranger. No this relies on something a lot stronger than just meeting someone. This relies on trust on unexplainable levels. Confidence in a person. Confidence in yourself.

If you have that trust, that anything-can-be-said trust, never let that person go. It doesn't come around often and I cannot begin to explain how magical it is. To have such a connection that you can literally tell them anything. I think it's the kind of relationship each of us longs for. To put full trust into someone and tell them your darkest secrets.

I think that's always the catch. Your darkest secrets. The thoughts you haven't said out loud before. They can be the make or break. As humans, we don't have the power to make an outcome the exact way we want it. It's the difficulty with trusting someone, you never know how they are feeling about what you've said/done.

As shitty as it is, people can decide they've had enough. They can let you talk for hours, days, weeks even and then just leave you. They can decide that maybe your darkest points are just too dark for them. Your lows are too low, some thing they can't deal with.

But that's the thing about relationships, nothing is certain. That's just a problem with life though really, there's nothing anyone can do to change it. So, for now, keep searching for that trust. If you've found that person you can talk about anything to, hold on to them, they are remarkably special. And if not, if you find yourself with no one to really share your feelings with, live for them 2am conversations. You may not know the people, they might not even remember it afterwards but, while you have the chance to talk and not be judged, grab it with both hands.

--- Aimee ---

Escaping Reality

Escape. A chance to leave. Forever or for a short while. The idea has always appealed to me. Not always in the form of physically leaving but an escape none the less. In my 16 years on this ever worsening planet, I have found my own forms of escape, things which take me away from the, some times, painful reality that is life.

I think that that is what books are about. They aren't primarily about wanting to know more or learn a new story. They are about getting lost in a whole other world. They are a form of escaping everyday life. A way to set foot in a new life, a new world, a new story.

The thought of being able to leave the usual reality for a short while has always apppealed to me. I love being able to be vacant from this world and travel into a whole other one. Is there anything more magical than, in an instant, being able to switch lives and become alive in a fictional world.

Many people have the complete wrong idea about people who read. Geeks. A common word thrown around for those who enjoy the company provided by stories. The associations being smart, clever and brainy. But, where does cleverness come into it? Do you really need to be smart in order to step foot in another world? The extent of smartness you need is to understand that you want to escape for a while, into the undiscovered world.

There are plenty of reasons to feel the need to escape. A lust to explore. Explore new stories, new lifestyles, new characters. It helps to forget. Forget whatever it is that you desire to forget. In some ways I guess it's the same reason people smoke. The same reason people run. Just another form of addiction.

The most beautiful addiction there is. Personally, I don't think there is anything more addictive than words. Glorious words. Beautiful words. Wonderful words. Words so in depth, so captivating that you can become addicted.

In my experience, there will always be some books which just never grab a persons attention. Of course it is different for each person. If you are made to read a book, chances are you will enjoy it less as its not your decision.

I'm not quite sure where I stand when it comes to being described as a 'bookworm'. If you ask some people I'm sure they would tell you I read a lot and don't understand how I can do it. But if you ask others, they will tell you I don't read that much. I don't believe I do read as much as I could. I find it very hard to get into a book. If I make myself read a book, usually, after about 20 pages I will begin to enjoy it.

While on a short break in Cornwall a few weeks ago, I purchased nine new books. As sad as it may seem to some people, I am so excited to begin reading them. My total of books to read must be way past 30 now. Each one I am longing to read but I know that there are some books which of I begin, I won't get much else done before I finish them.

That's the problem. The two sides to every book. The issue every book reader faces. You will either love a book so much that you never want to put it down or, on the other hand, you won't be interested in it and will never finish it.

I think the most amazing things about books is how a story can be described. A simple action, place or character can be described with such words and emotion that it can magnify its beauty. Books are the place where ordinary things become a bit more wonderful. Things are looked at in. Different light. Opinions are altered on what people come across in their daily lives.  

But it's not all about the love of books in general. Of course, the storyline is to be considered. The offer of having a whole new place to discover. A chance to learn and be a part of another persons life. Oh how real and alive a fictional character can appear. A real connection can be made.

As much as we all wish it was, life isn't always perfect. In fact, it rarely is. There's always issues that are lingering.  Problems people want to get away from. If their way of getting away is investing their time and energy into a book then let them. The characters, the situation, the morals could be everything they need. For some, even just knowing that they are not alone with their problems is all the comfort and support they need.

And, personally, I believe that if a person tells you they don't like reading, it's highly likely that they just haven't found the right book yet.

--- Aimee ---

Grades

Throughout our lives we are told constantly how important school is. We are told at education is a privilege and something to grab by both hands. All the learning, revising and effort put in and for what? Those precious final grades.

I would like to mention that I am writing this post following results day. The dreaded day for ex-year 11's all over the country. Decision day for people's futures. The fate of your entire life folded up in a white envelope.

So, grades. Are they really as important as everyone makes them out to be? I think they are highly overrated and yes, it's good to have good grades but, honestly, what do they show? They are a way of determining how well you can read and remember facts. It makes our generation believe that this will be a crucial skill in life, is it really? Are people going to be tested on that number one issue of memory? Isn't there more to life and to jobs than this? Things like confidence, empathy, social skills, management skills.

Personally, I was amazed by my results. I am aware I did no where near as good as some people expected but, to me, it doesn't matter. I think I have mentioned before about how rough I found the exam season but it truly was a horrible time for me. Somehow I managed to get C's and above in every subject which really made me so happy.

I'm not one to 'attention seek' by telling the whole world my problems so few people were aware of what I was going through. To me, I was so shocked I managed to pass everything. Many reasons had crossed my mind why I wouldn't do well. I was going through a fair bit at the time. I found the papers hard to undersand. I ran out of time.

But, at least I can say now that it was worth it. To some poeple, anything below a B or even an A is not good enough. I have think people have always expected more of me to be quite honest. I've always been predicted such high grades, expectations set at levels far too high. Knowing for quite some time that it would be a miricle if I were to achieve even one of my target grades.

I don't think people understand personal achievement. To me, it seems like schools especially look way past perosnl achievment when it comes to exam results. They look for the best results. The A* students who will make them look good. Yes, the school will have an impact on it but, isn't the overall success mainly down to the individual? It seems so preposterous to base so much on one-time results.

The issue is mainly personality. Personality is not looked upon highly enough.npeople invest too much intrest in things such as grades and being a genuinely nice person is overlooked. Grades are far too focused on and it really is ridiculous. When people I barely know ask what my grades are, why would I want to tell them? So they can judge me on them and only them? Some may think my grades look bad when they don't know the whole story and the issues I went through.

For some people, achievment is about getting straight A's. That is fine, it's acceptable. But, what is not acceptable is putting someone down because they didn't meet the expectations set for someone else. People, whether that be students, parents or teachers need to learn that achievements are specific to an individual. It is completely unfair to judge a whole range of people with one task. Each person has their own talents, their own weaknesses. It can't be seen as fair if one persons weakness happens to be a non vital subject such as art and another's weakness is maths.

Each person has their own strengths. Each person finds the same task more or less challenging than the person before. You can't be celebrating someone who has done so much better than everyone else and not even acknowledge a person who feels they did their absolute best.

To be quite honest, that's exaclty how I'm feeling right now.  A lot was expected of me. Too much in my opinion. And my results, while I am ecstatic with them, it's clear that it will appear to some that I failed. Because that's the two alternatives. You either do exceptionally well or you fail. There's no in between as far as school is concerned.

Personal achievment really is everything. It really does matter how you feel about how you've done. Grades don't define you. It doesn't matter if you have the grades if you have nothing else to go with it. If you are happy with how you've done that's all that matters.

Your life will carry on no matter what results you get when you are a teenager. Yes, effort should be put in but not to the point of exhaustion and misery. Grades are very important but the are not everything. Makes sure you don't miss out on living for a few final grades.

--- Aimee ---

Expectations of Women

In society today there are so many expectations to be met in order to be accepted by those around us. One demographic that I feel are especially targeted by endless lists of expectations to be met are women. Obviously, saying that, I have had no personal experience with expectations of men. I fully agree that in today's day and age, each individual is expected to be something they are not. Everyone has criteria they think they should meet, some which will always be impossible to meet.

As a female, I have had first hand experience with high expectations to be met by me. From a young age I was told what women should do, what they should look like. Heavy influence from petite size models and flawless actresses made me have unrealistic expectations for the future.

Writing this currently, I am enjoying a very relaxing holiday away which, to be honest, has given me much of the inspiration to write this post. On the journey here I was reading a magazine. I have never particular been a fan of typical women's magazines. I do quite enjoy reading real life stories of tragedies and bizarre events but nothing like the typical gossip magazine. Reading the magazine that I was made me remember why I don't like or enjoy them.

On a double page spread of the magazine there was numerous articles about celebrities who had put on weight. There were several pictures of the celebrities and small pieces of writing about how they had come to put on so much. The part which got to me the most was that the weight of the celebrities was printed in large on the page. I could write endlessly about why this was so wrong but I hope that most of my reasons are pretty obvious and, also, this is not the path I am going down with this post.

My mentioning of this page on my post is because of double standards. On the very next page of the exact same magazine was another load of articles. This time on celebrities who were getting too thin, not eating enough, trying too hard. Again posted with the weights of the females. Yes females. Ok, maybe it's because its usually women reading the magazine so women are mentioned in the magazine. But, as far as I'm aware, there isn't a magazine which does this for men, or, at least, not to this extent.

The weights being listed is practically telling women that a certain weight is too fat but another is too thin. It's absolultey ridiculous in my opinion. You shouldn't define people by their weight or clothing size. I won't pretend that I don't feel men are made to feel like they need to meet certain standards. I understand that the majority of today's society have standards that they are expected to reach but can't. It is such a horrible concept. To think that you have to be as other people want you to makes me feel sick. Each person should be able to be whoever they want to be, do whatever they want to do.

There are far too many comments made each and every day about how "people won't like you if you do that" or how "that's not something boys/girls are supposed to do/like". What does it matter as long as that individual likes it?

I'm sure there are loads of judgemental comments made by girls about boys. But, with the enviorments I am in, mainly being school, I hear way more male contributions about how women should be. People seem to have the idea that the perfect women needs to have a flat stomach, a pretty face, slim legs (but not too thin), nice boobs, a good bum. They need to be into sports but not more sporty than boys, be into outdoorsy activitys but not so much that it's classes them as a tomboy, wear makeup to make them look nice but not too much for them to be seen as fake.

Being into sports, outdoorsy activities and makeup are all down to personality and are able to change. People change their opinions on things all the time. Yes, women can change the fact that they don't have a flat stomach, slim legs or a good bum, but it's their choice. And then there's the other things. The pretty face. The good boobs. The things we, as females, have no control over.

People just don't seem to be able to accept that women come in all shapes and sizes. Without proportion to height, muscle amount or body structure, weight really doesn't mean anything. Far too much is expected of women and it is very heavily down to the kind of women people are supposed to look up to and aspires to be like.

If a women wants to go out and make the effort to get a gorgeous body, that's her decision. But, similarly, if she's comfortable in her body and doesn't want to do anything to change it, that's ok aswell. It really shouldn't matter because everyone's body is beautiful and wonderful and terrific. No one should have to change for any other reason other than them wanting to.

So don't worry about not meeting the standards that society expect you to reach. You could be trying your very hardest and still not reach them. They are unrealistic. Being flawless is overrated. Loving the body you are in and not feeling the need to change is way too underrated.

Stop listening to the magazines and other sources which are telling you exactly how you need to be. With the right people, you will be perfect exactly how you are. It's just a matter of time before you find those people, and when you do, don't ever let them go.

--- Aimee ---

Vegetarianism

A month ago I decided to become vegetarian. It is something which I have wanted to do for a while to be honest but it never seemed to be feasible. There was always a reason not to. It would be too awkward. I was going out for a meal. I couldn't be bothered with the fuss. But eventually I decided it was what I wanted.

I discussed the idea with my parents a while ago but they told me I was unable to become vegetarian because it would be too complicated for them when it came to meals. I completely understand where they were coming from and at the time I provided no real reason for wanting to be vegetarian. Thankfully, when I discussed the idea a month ago, they were very supportive and said they would be fine if that is what I really wanted

I found that the first few days consisted of a lot of people's input. Especially people telling me how much I would miss eating certain meats. This really annoyed me. I understand that some people have certain foods at they just wouldn't be able to give up and I accept that that is their views. But what I cant understand is why people were having an input on which foods I would miss. Me. Personally.

I didn't particularly mind it coming from my close friends but I did mind comments from people who have no idea what I eat. I couldn't understand why they thought they could tell me what I would miss eating. To be quite honest, previous to becoming vegetarian, I had gone off of most meats anyway. The only meat I was regularly eating was pork and, even then, it was only sausages I ate. As far as fish is concerned, I gave that up around the time I got told I couldn't become vegetarian as a kind of substitute from still eating meat I guess.

For reasons I will never understand, I found myself feeling guilt when eating meat more and more often. I feel as though it may have been because in the past few months I have been more exposed to the way animals are treated and it makes me feel sick inside. I felt that as a meat consumer, I was no better than the people slaughtering the poor animals.

I shan't pretend that I know all the facts about animals torture and slaughterhouses but I feel I know enough to understand how wrong it is. Although I have become vegetarian, I don't feel the need to shout about it. People are entitled to their own opinions and I feel it is unnecessary to argue with people due to their views not being the same as mine.

Of course I have my reason for being vegetarian and I feel quite strongly about it. If someone asks me why I made the decision I did, I will happily explain. Or, if someone tries to argue with me how it is the circle of life, I will strongly object and voice my own opinion. But there're is, in my eyes, no good reason to start an argument about it on purpose. 

Personally, I thought that being a vegetarian would be incredibly awkward and there would be very little I would be able to eat. I was wrong to have thought this. Although there are a lot fewer options at places such as restaurants and cafes, there is still enough choice for me to find something I like. Recently, I have falling in love with vegetarian sausages and I urge you to go out and try them now if you haven't, they are amazing.

I am concerned that when I go away next week I will have very, very little choice. I think it may come down to surviving on Margarita pizza for two weeks which I am more an happy with to be quite honest. It worries me that anything else which Is advertised as vegetarian may not be due to foreign countries not caring to much about what is in their food (in my experience anyway).

One thing I have found since becoming vegetarian is that ingredients is very complicated to read through. It annoys me very much that things aren't displayed as being non-vegetarian because I feel it would make life a lot easier. I have learnt also that not all companies display vegetarian products in the same way. Some do it in writing, others use symbols and some just include their ingredients. It makes it so hard to find whether something is vegetarian or not when you are unsure in where to look for the desired information.

People are so careless when it comes to food. It's not until you have a reason to that you look to see the content of the food you are eating. I am truly disgusted by some of the products that include animal parts which would have never crossed my mind if I hadn't been needing to look. And most of the time, I think to myself, is it necessary to include animal parts in? It is worth all the pain and suffering just for something to taste that tiny bit better?

For now I am coping quite well with being vegetarian. It makes me happy to know I can enjoy my meals and not be concerned about the torture that has gone into my food. I know I am not currently making much of an impact in terms of animal cruelty but, hopefully, one day I will be able to make a much bigger difference. A fight for the lives of those who can't fight for themselves.

--- Aimee ---