Reliance Is No Weakness

If I wasn't so damn tired right now I'd probably be a lot more annoyed than I am, hard to believe really because right now I am fucking pissed. I have just seen yet another 'you don't need a boyfriend/girlfriend to be happy' or it was along those shitty lines anyway and I am absolutely fed up. I am so done with all this fucking rubbish.

No, no, no. I am so fucking done, my hatred towards this is so bloody strong and I have fucking snapped. Not trying to be one of those 'don't say that you'll offend someone' people who don't let anyone say anything anymore but seriously, don't say people don't need a partner to be happy because you will offend someone. When you tell someone you're upset or sad because the significant person in your life hasn't messaged you do you know how degrading it feels to be called stupid, to be called too reliant, to be called weak.

That's what you're doing. People don't survive on their own, they thrive off of things around them. Give people a fucking break, please, I'm begging you. Yes I know it's not great that people put all their time into one person but do you think they want to? Do you think they want the everlasting pain when they're not talking to them, when they have to be away from them, when the relationship or friendship finishes?

Think about it now, to be honestly and genuinely happy what do you need? Do you literally just need yourself and nothing else? No, I didn't think so. You need friends or great music or brilliant films or a hobby or an obsession, you may be able to survive on your own but why just survive when you can live?

When you tell people they don't or shouldn't need other people to be happy, what you are really saying is 'you should be able to be without them, you are weak if you rely on them too much'. But, no one exists as aa pure form of themselves. Each friend you make creeps their way into your  everyday life, maybe you begin to speak like them, grow an interest in what they like, spend your time with them.

Maybe it's not the 'relationship' status that people need maybe it's another person. I need people and Sam provides me with the attention and comfort and safety I need. All these years I've believed that I needed a boyfriend to make me happy and I am not wrong, I do need him. The reason for it has developed though, it's not the 'boyfriend' label that I've needed, it's someone who is there no matter what, someone I can depend on, someone I can relax with.

Before Sam there were other people who I deeply invested my time in, many of whom are now gone. So no, its not the status but the feeling. A feeling of security and love and comfort. It may not be another human who you invest your time into, maybe its a band or a show but you still need that or else you feel empty, right? Who the fuck cares if it's a person or not? Sure its not the safest option, if you're emotion is invested in a tv show you don't exactly have to live with the fear with it leaving or no longer being there, it always will.

It's not weak, don't you dare tell someone they shouldn't rely so heavily on another person. How they fuck do you know what they've been through. Songs and tv shows cover a lot of major issues but sometimes you just can't do anything in the world to help ease or mirror the pain/situations you've been through.

I'm so so so sick of seeing all these bloody posts, degrading those of us who do rely on others, diminishing our worth because of it. Please stop it. I understand that it's one of those situations where if you haven't been through it or aren't like that its hard to understand but please understand it hurts. It really hurts to have your reliance on others to be directly related to your value.

Maybe you're lucky enough to be one of those people whose happiness is shared among many, that's great. That means that when one thing goes badly or ends there are still plenty more things out there to stop you being drowned by this life, something keeping you afloat. In a way it means you're safe, safe from the danger of being alone and vulnerable. But, if you aren't one of those 'independent' people then please don't belittle those who are, please.

No matter who you need in your life, I promise you it doesn't make you weak. You are strong and you are amazing and you should be bloody proud of yourself.

--- Aimee ---

The Act of Romanticising Arguments

Constantly I see posts on Facebook and Twitter saying how true bestfriends argue but make up soon after or how in a relationship you should 'argue like siblings'. I see more and more of these posts everytime I'm online.

Surrounding by the media from a young age, I truly believed that was the way relationships went; arguments time and time again but never being enough to push the other away. Either person always running back, running back to what they know and love. My life just hasn't been like that, no, mine has been rather different.

I guess I can't really speak for arguments in terms of relationships but I feel as though I can in terms of friendships. There are two reasons for why I can't speak for relationships; the first being I have only ever been in one relationship and the second being that in that relationship we have only had one argument. I won't go into details but it was a petty, alcohol assisted disagreement, hardly worthy of being labelled an argument.

I know its different for everyone but for me, I can't argue with people in fear of loosing them. My love for them is way too deep to risk loosing them over something silly. No, they're not fragile friendships which could end if the wrong thing is said but beneath the 'normal' nature of which arguments are branded with is a lack of care for what is being said and for the other person.

Maybe I'm just slightly scared by anything and everything but I can't risk loosing someone over temporary feelings. I wouldn't be able to scream out awful things about someone if I didn't truly mean it. Even the thought of arguing with my boyfriend or one of my bestfriends makes me choke up, I just don't see how people can do it.

A slight inspiration to write this blog post came from watching The Notebook (yes Anna it is that good that I am mentioning it yet again) the other day for the second time. Don't get me wrong the film is an absolute artwork with its plotline and actors. The film is literally incredible but for me, it presents a small problem; its portrayal of a successful relationship. Now, as I say maybe it is normal but just not for me or maybe there is a real problem here. It's one of the most romantic love stories I have ever witnessed but are the expectations which are set too far from reality, presenting the viewers with a sense of false hope.

You see, in my experience, people don't fight for you. Okay I have both been begged and begged others for a chance of staying but that is the limit. 'You're only 16, what do you know.' Well I know I've spoken to many people in my life who have since upped and left me. There was no fight. There was no 'I must have you in my life', 'you are everything to me', 'I need you'. None, none of that bullshit. That isn't the way of the world. People outgrow you. Your 'absolute world' decides they no longer love you. People don't fight because people change their mind and move on.

So yes back to The Notebook and it's false hope. One of the many stories in which there is argument after argument after argument from a couple who are apparently 'meant for eachother'. Really? Okay you don't have to agree on every single thing but surely a healthy relationship isn't one where arguments are a regular thing? I don't buy it personally.

I'm assuming there must be a certain level of confidence to argue with someone you love because how do you know they won't leave you? I feel awful if I say even the slightest harsh thing to someone who means so much to me. Arguments hurt people, why would you want to hurt someone if you loved them?

Despite saying all that, of course there has to be room to disagree. It's not abnormal to have some disagreements like how to cook fajitas or what to watch at the cinema or who should have the last pizza slice. Small things like that can afford disagreements, I can almost guarantee you wont loose someone over something small like that. Those are what are really 'normal'. It's good to be able to tell your friend they're a dick when they tell you their drunk antics or when they say something utterly stupid (yes Nicole, these both apply to you.) I never mean it. I simply mean 'you are an idiot for doing that but it doesn't matter, it's done now and I love you anyway (not that I'm forgetting what you did because I of course need to embarrass you by remaining you in the future.)

But, shouldn't proper arguments be the end? It's good (I guess) that they don't always end relationships but is that the way it should be? Can you really be okay with the knowledge of your words having hurt the one you love?

And I don't know whether it's just media portrayal or if it in fact reality but, either way, all the signs are telling me I'm doing relationships wrong. My relationships may not be the convential sort but they seem to last a whole lot longer than most do so I think that maybe, just maybe I won't change for being different.

--- Aimee ---