The Act of Romanticising Arguments

Constantly I see posts on Facebook and Twitter saying how true bestfriends argue but make up soon after or how in a relationship you should 'argue like siblings'. I see more and more of these posts everytime I'm online.

Surrounding by the media from a young age, I truly believed that was the way relationships went; arguments time and time again but never being enough to push the other away. Either person always running back, running back to what they know and love. My life just hasn't been like that, no, mine has been rather different.

I guess I can't really speak for arguments in terms of relationships but I feel as though I can in terms of friendships. There are two reasons for why I can't speak for relationships; the first being I have only ever been in one relationship and the second being that in that relationship we have only had one argument. I won't go into details but it was a petty, alcohol assisted disagreement, hardly worthy of being labelled an argument.

I know its different for everyone but for me, I can't argue with people in fear of loosing them. My love for them is way too deep to risk loosing them over something silly. No, they're not fragile friendships which could end if the wrong thing is said but beneath the 'normal' nature of which arguments are branded with is a lack of care for what is being said and for the other person.

Maybe I'm just slightly scared by anything and everything but I can't risk loosing someone over temporary feelings. I wouldn't be able to scream out awful things about someone if I didn't truly mean it. Even the thought of arguing with my boyfriend or one of my bestfriends makes me choke up, I just don't see how people can do it.

A slight inspiration to write this blog post came from watching The Notebook (yes Anna it is that good that I am mentioning it yet again) the other day for the second time. Don't get me wrong the film is an absolute artwork with its plotline and actors. The film is literally incredible but for me, it presents a small problem; its portrayal of a successful relationship. Now, as I say maybe it is normal but just not for me or maybe there is a real problem here. It's one of the most romantic love stories I have ever witnessed but are the expectations which are set too far from reality, presenting the viewers with a sense of false hope.

You see, in my experience, people don't fight for you. Okay I have both been begged and begged others for a chance of staying but that is the limit. 'You're only 16, what do you know.' Well I know I've spoken to many people in my life who have since upped and left me. There was no fight. There was no 'I must have you in my life', 'you are everything to me', 'I need you'. None, none of that bullshit. That isn't the way of the world. People outgrow you. Your 'absolute world' decides they no longer love you. People don't fight because people change their mind and move on.

So yes back to The Notebook and it's false hope. One of the many stories in which there is argument after argument after argument from a couple who are apparently 'meant for eachother'. Really? Okay you don't have to agree on every single thing but surely a healthy relationship isn't one where arguments are a regular thing? I don't buy it personally.

I'm assuming there must be a certain level of confidence to argue with someone you love because how do you know they won't leave you? I feel awful if I say even the slightest harsh thing to someone who means so much to me. Arguments hurt people, why would you want to hurt someone if you loved them?

Despite saying all that, of course there has to be room to disagree. It's not abnormal to have some disagreements like how to cook fajitas or what to watch at the cinema or who should have the last pizza slice. Small things like that can afford disagreements, I can almost guarantee you wont loose someone over something small like that. Those are what are really 'normal'. It's good to be able to tell your friend they're a dick when they tell you their drunk antics or when they say something utterly stupid (yes Nicole, these both apply to you.) I never mean it. I simply mean 'you are an idiot for doing that but it doesn't matter, it's done now and I love you anyway (not that I'm forgetting what you did because I of course need to embarrass you by remaining you in the future.)

But, shouldn't proper arguments be the end? It's good (I guess) that they don't always end relationships but is that the way it should be? Can you really be okay with the knowledge of your words having hurt the one you love?

And I don't know whether it's just media portrayal or if it in fact reality but, either way, all the signs are telling me I'm doing relationships wrong. My relationships may not be the convential sort but they seem to last a whole lot longer than most do so I think that maybe, just maybe I won't change for being different.

--- Aimee ---