Painted Image of Love

As the hype of Valentines Day passes the minds of fellow humans for another year I can't help but sigh a breath of relief.

I despise the day. Maybe its because I'm a morbid person and think the worst of every situation. Maybe its because, despite my best efforts, I find more comfort in sadness than in happiness. Or, a more popular belief would see it being as I feel isolated, being single once again on this loved-up day.

There's something hidden away. Hidden beneath the declarations of love, behind the heartfelt messages. There is no public display about the heartache or heartbreak tied in with love. Its ok, the odd 'he's drives me crazy sometimes but I love him no matter what' messages give a slight insight into the unhappiness but it's not enough. It doesn't compete with the fact that love is sugar coated because 'that's how it should be'. Happy, problem free, everlasting.

I feel like every single Facebook and Instagram post about a loved one is just a painted picture of false happiness and hidden upset. No showing of the arguments or betrayals. Of course there is no reason really why I would want to see arguments posted everywhere, annoying the shit out of me day in, day out. I think what I really want is some comfort that not everything is perfect but that doesn't mean it will work out. Just a few messages telling me things don't have to be perfect to be okay, that happiness doesn't not direct link with perfection.

I can't be dealing with this picture perfect idea of love, forcing me to believe anything beside the perfect moments is a rarity.  I don't want to feel like there is one specific way you should treat the one you love. There are numerous to show it, it's not all chocolates and roses. There are so many people I love in my life and who are important to me, people who keep me happy. Of course on Valentines Day this doesn't matter because obviously my single status reflects my hopeless and lonely life.

No it's not the single status that makes me sad, it's all the other problems in the world. You must be kidding yourself if you really think that my number one concern in life is finding a partner. I mean I know currently that I am a weak, helpless and incomplete woman who needs a man to swoop in and fix all my life problems...oh wait is that not the case? I guess I must be too influenced by almost every film I've ever seen.

It's not the situation I or anyone else is in that causes pain but the changes that took place in order to reach that situation. All the loss. All the pain. All the tragic memories.

The films don't do the pain and sadness of it all justice really. Take Love, Rosie for example. The film is an artwork. It truly is brilliant. The acting and storyline go so well together but there is something missing. I don't know whether its this film in particular or just maybe its an impossibility to recreate in films but something is missing. In too many love films there is a small sense of heartbreak but that's all it is, a small sense. Something brushed off and overlooked. A 30 second clip of a teary girl is supposed to portray years of grief and pain, really? Sorry, I'm not going to believe your version of heartbreak.

The films don't depict reality. Some try harder than others but ultimately they all fail. I guess there is a limit to the amount of pain you can portray but to me it all still seems false. Love isn't all happiness and roses and cute dates. All that stuff is what we have been taught to associate with love through books, films and music since a young age. Too many false portrayals of a 'good' and 'ideal' relationship have left too many of us with the wrong idea about love.

Because heartbreak isn't a couple of tears here and there with soppy messages of how much you miss someone; its floods of tears. Breakdowns over hearing the mention of their name. Hours of deciding what it was that went wrong, what you did to screw things up yet again. Days of wondering why you weren't enough for them. So much time spent wondering if things will ever get better or whether you are now stuck in a bottomless pit of emotions that you will never escape from.

Love's all right while it lasts but we all fall out of love, we all move on whether we like it or not. Nothing is a constant; it never has been and it never will be. Maybe someone will one day change my mind on Valentines Day and I'll be one of those soppy little shits that I currently despise, indulging in the day.

--- Aimee ---