Back in June I noticed the beginning of the end (wow, so dramatic) with all my lovely friends in year 13 leaving for summer while I was stuck starting my A2's (fun). I realised the last time I would see everyone at school had already gone and quickly the sadness of this realisation followed.
By this point I'd already had my last private study with Dan. I'd already had my last Friday gossip with Mark and Jamie. My last lunchtime with everyone.
And the sad part was I saw it coming, missed it and then it was gone. All my fears and nerves over exams had obliterated these worries. The opportunity to see these events come to an end had gone and there was nothing I could do.
It still hasn't quite hit me that these people will not be joining me at lunchtime, they won't be around when I have a free period, they've gone.
A party a few weeks ago was the last time I saw most of them. I almost cried saying goodbye to Kate and a emotional (and maybe slightly tipsy) me went back for the 'goodbye hug' at least three times. I really did try to live in the moment (how cliché) but it's hard. One part of me was loving life and the people I was with whilst the other was reminding me on how soon all these people would be gone and starting their new lives.On the (drunken) walk home that night I needed Mark to comfort my holy-crap-everyone-is-leaving-for-uni-what-am-I-going-to-do mood (which he did, so thanks Mark). And I tried to dodge this reality that changes would actually start happening.
Now I'm the sort of person who loves a bit of sadness and heartbreak, just not when it comes to my own life (unless it's going to inspire an amazing blog post.) I'm struggling to believe that it's real and actually happening, while also being sad that it isn't me. I'm being left behind while everyone begins their new adventures, helplessly watching.
I've already seen Jack, Mark and Grace together for the last time (so much love for you all), the group that I got the privilege of spending my final months of year 12 with, something I will be forever grateful for. So thank you Jack, Mark and Grace, you have been the bestfriends I could have hoped for. It scares me. I don't want to see Jack for 'one last time' before uni. I don't want all these lasts but I cannot stop them; it's inevitable.
And I know it will be me soon enough. I'll have my lasts with other people, lasts before I leave for uni (hopefully). That will make me sad sure but at least it will be exciting, unlike the same daily routine of sixth form; without most of the people who make it bearable.
I'm sad to be saying goodbye to the best people I have been lucky enough to meet but I'm taking comfort in the thought of their new and wonderful lives. So take this as a massive thank you. Thank you for letting me feel so welcome. Thank you for including me. Thank you for bringing me happiness. Good luck in your new lives, I hope they are nothing less than incredible.
--- Aimee ---
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