Compliment or Unnecessary Comment?

Surrounding the world of, well just about anything I guess, there is the underlying issue of double standards. I'm sure everyone has their share of experience with the matter. When you've been treated differently for some shitty reason that you are likely to have no control over. It's not fair, nor should it be seen as 'just something that happens'.

I guess this post is going to go down the same route as many of my other posts, along the topic of equality. Noted that it's a fairly vast topic, with many smaller sub-categories spiralling off of it. I guess to me, that's actually really helpful as it allows me to blog many times about many different forms of it, something I do thoroughly enjoy.

The idea of 'feminism' seems to scare some people, whether its down to education or fear of women actually achieving equal rights I honestly don't know. But nevertheless, there is really fear in some people. It really saddens me how oblivious some people are to the actual concept of it and how some truly believe that its women trying to take over. I must insist that, if you do fall into the category of being uneducated on the concepts and beliefs of feminism, you go away and educate yourself before continuing reading this post.

In my experience, it's the very issue of inequality from which most double standards sprout from. the typical 'men should be muscly' but 'women who are muscly are gross and manly'. Or maybe it's the things which you are not allowed to participate in for no good reason, solely due to your gender.

I'm not some professional psychologist but I understand my feelings (sometimes). I understand what makes me happy and what I could do without. As much as I don't know how to react or don't believe it, like most people I think, I love to be complemented. There's no getting away from the fact that someone being nice to you about your personality, looks or other aspects of yourself really makes you feel warm inside.

For instance, last week, I was complimented twice on my body, a very usual occurrence to me which made it even sweeter. The two comments were on the lines of  'I'm so jealous of your body' and 'you look in great shape at the moment'. I think it would be difficult to argue that these are unpleasant compliments. They were told with the intent to make me feel good and consisted of nothing disgusting.

It's times like these when, boys especially, usually get mad. With the argument that a girl gets pissed off when they 'compliment' them. And I can personally tell you, that if a girl gets pissed for this its usually down to one thing, the phrasing of your so called 'compliment'.

By all means compliment a girl but tell her what you feel in an appropriate way. What do you mean appropriate? I hear you ask. Well, I mean in a way that compliments her for her. All of these modern 'compliments' really aren't compliments at all.

Calling a girl 'sexy' (or something similar) IS NOT A COMPLIMENT. And as I say this I can almost hear the laughter of teenage boys. 'What do you mean it's not a compliment, I'd love to be called sexy by a girl'. Saying that someone is 'sexy' is saying that you find them sexually attractive, connoting that you would want to fuck them. 'Why does that mean it's not a compliment?' Are you, yourself, asking that right now?

I'll tell you why that's not an acceptable compliment. That's not an acceptable compliment because you are directly linking the beauty of someone to your desire to have sex with them. Reality check, girls are attractive in their own rights, they are not attractive so you can have sex with them. In the simplest form, your 'compliment' objectifies women to say that beauty and sex lie hand in hand.

Furthering that same point, you are also directly linking their beauty to their body. No one calls someone's face 'sexy', its a compliment purely about their body and how well it fits your standards, society's standards, the definition of 'beautiful'.

The main issue really is the connotations of the comments that are made. If you are complimenting a woman on her beauty in it's own rights then please,  continue to do so. But, if you are complimenting a woman in terms of your sexual desires, that is not ok. Women are valuable in their own rights,  not to be determined by your preferences.

Not only 'sexy' but other compliments. If by your compliments of 'hot', 'peng' or 'banging' you are subtly telling said person that you would have sex with them, is it a compliment? To be quite honest, depending on your relationship with the girl, they probably don't care. In the same way that girls don't wear makeup to impress boys (shocking, I know), they also don't look good to get sex. Yes okay, some of them probably do. Difference between the girls that do and the girls that I'm talking about? Age. It's my generation that are doing it for themselves. 13/14/15/16 year olds don't look good to impress or to get sexual attention.

A further point on this matter, there is literally no correct way to take a compliment. It completely depends on the situation, the person and their history. Please don't discourage a girl for not believing you, or, on the other hand, accepting your compliment. Girls (and boys too of course) have their own, individual reasons for reacting in the way they do in a situation in which they get complimented. Don't assume a reaction to your compliment before it is given. And, whilst on that point, don't assume that a person is entitled to do something for you because you complimented them.

If you compliment a person, in my opinion, it should be whole-heartedly to make the person feel good. Not for your own personal gain, whether its sex, modesty or to be complimented in return. And, to bring things to a close (because otherwise I will go off subject completely like always) make sure that when you do compliment a person (male or female, young or old) please keep it decent and before saying it, think to yourself, is this really a compliment?

--- Aimee ---