Fearful Lies

"No thanks I have a boyfriend."

I'm sure many of use have used this line from time to time. Whether it to decline a drink, date or phone number. Its something a lot of us say and people tend to nod, apologise and leave us alone. Seems harmless right? Being hit on and refusing by mentioning a boyfriend; simple, believable, truthful.

In my little life, I have only had to say this twice. On two separate occasions, to two separate people, for two separate reasons.

Lets start with the first then. It was around about 3/4 months ago. A guy was speaking to me constantly and I had no interest in him. We'd spoken a few years back and I had learnt from then that he got quite attached and clingy quite quickly. Message after message, week after week I would get him asking to meet. I declined this offer and stated that I didn't want to and didn't feel anything for him.

To this, he simply continued to message me constantly to the point where I was getting annoyed. Why wouldn't he respect my feelings and leave me alone? I'd told him straight that I didn't want to but he insisted we met. I guess some context is needed here, I do know the guy in real life, I've known him for a few years and see him around often but have never wanted anything from him, either a relationship or a friendship.

After a while I found myself telling him that I had a boyfriend. Now, this wasn't completely true nor was it complete bullshit. I was actually seeing someone but I didn't want to go into any detail so I left it at 'I have a boyfriend, please leave me alone'. And now I find myself asking why?

I felt safer by telling him I had a boyfriend than I did telling him I wasn't interested. What fucked up logic. Maybe its because I know that a boy will respect another boy more than they will a girl. Maybe its because I would rather hid away behind a boy than stand up and say how I feel.

I'm sorry if you don't feel the same but, generally, boys are respected more by other boys. Girls feel safer to mention a boyfriend than say how they really feel. Society has taught us that boys feelings and opinions are worth a lot more than that of a girl. You tell me it isn't fucked that an excuse for not wanting to do something means more than a personal opinion.

Of course this isn't all boys, I know that. There are some great guys out there but, unfortunately they are in the minority. But why must girls feel the need to make an excuse, whatever it may be, to decline a boy? Are our opinions not considered to be important or accepted? Is that really the way society should be allowed to be?

Anyways, following on from the first occasion, the second came only a month or so ago. A boy who I had previously been associated with messaged me to ask me if we could be 'friends with benefits' or pretty much that scenario. The answer I gave to this was the same as before, 'I have a boyfriend'. This time I wasn't lying. I was 100% truthful and it resulted in the guy leaving me alone for good. Now, of course, I wouldn't know what the outcome would have been if I had said otherwise.

I guess it was relevant to say. Any other reponse would be seen as me 'hiding' the fact I have a boyfriend perhaps? I can't really say that I only said it to get him off my back, I simply stated the situation and its not like I went out of my way to do that.

The point of sharing those two stories was just to assist my point really, not to be the main focus. Those are just my experiences and I appreciate others have had more encounters with such situations. However, despite the situation, the outcome has chillingly remained the same.

The fact that men respect men still stands. Yes, respect is good but, respect based on genders? I think I'll pass if that's the case. I don't want respect for being female in the same way I wouldn't if I were a male. Yes, I want respect but I want it because others accept that I am human. I have thoughts, opinions and ideas.

If society remains this way, where women are not thought to have valid thoughts then where will things lead to? I don't want to fear speaking my mind. If I don't want to do something or go somewhere, it should be accepted that that is my decision. No reasoning needs to be given if that individual doesn't wish to give any.

Pretending that there isn't an issue doesn't fix it. What does fix and issue is accepting that a change needs to be made. I don't know when or what it will take to get equal respect but I am hopeful. I am hopeful for a change. Hopeful that one day a simple 'no' will be enough to state how I feel and avoid further interrogation on the matter.

--- Aimee ---